…. one year later

One year, 52 week, 365 days.. one revolution around the sun. How every you want to count the days, I have been in China for over a year now.  And what a year it has been.  It’s been fun, challenging, sad, scary and above all a learning experience.  When I made the choice to move abroad and take the job I knew I was doing it more for the life experience than for my career. I didn’t want to be a 75-year-old woman sitting on my porch wondering how my life would have been if I had taken the chance and moved to Shanghai.  I didn’t want to live with those regrets.  Everything that I have been through this year- moving, leaving friends and loved ones behind, making huge life changes, losing and gaining loved ones have made me a stronger woman.

I believe that I was strong to begin with. Hell, I packed up my life and moved to China. But coming here, meeting new people, learning a new city, being so far away from all I knew and loved forced me to change. All the boring clichés come to mind “Change is the only constant”, “If you stand still you die”, yada yada yada.. but man, let me tell you. They are kinda true. At 38 I can tell you I have grown more in this year than I have in the past 10.  I did not change my core beliefs or who I am really. I just found my voice with the help of some dear friends, and I learned that it is ok to ask for help, to demand it at times. I have learned it’s ok to be selfish and to tell people what I want and what I expect from them. As a ‘giver’ and a ‘nurturer’ I needed to learn how to surround myself with people who would give back and how to stay away from those that wouldn’t.

The biggest thing I learned is that is it not OK to live with regret. I don’t regret any decision I have made this year. Do I wish I had run more? Sure.  Do I wish I had traveled more? Sure.  Do I regret the Sundays spent on my couch surrounded by friends as we recover from a late night? No.  Do I regret the chances I have taken when I have failed? No. Do I regret going after what my heart wanted? No.

It is ‘Golden Week’ here, Chinese National Day Holiday and Mid Autum Festival all rolled into one.  We get a week off and everyone travels.  My closest friends are traveling, or gone home to the USA for good, so I am traveling solo to Guilin.  I am taking a 24 hr train down there, staying 2 nights, joining in on some drop in tours, and flying home. I have always wanted to go to Guilin and seeing that I am out of vacation time, this is the only chance I have to see it. So I am going alone. My bags are packed, my train and place ticket all booked. I am armed with my iPad, iPod and an old-fashioned journal and a pen.  I am going to take this time to reflect on all that I have been through this past year and think about where I am going in the next.

I’ll be sure to blog about the trip and update you all on all the things I haven’t yet put in here, like my love affair with street food and some other musings.  Until then, love and live my friends. Don’t let the fear of failure stand in your way. Don’t live with regret.